Take that you pesky Bipolar Bears!

And now a word from our sponsor:

Alice appears with a rifle, slogging through Charlottesville.

A Bipolar Bear suddenly jumps through the air and Alice fires: BLAM! BLAM!

But misses . . .

Alice: “Are you tired of hunting those elusive Bipolar Bears?” [Puts rifle down
and does an exaggerated foot stomp for the camera].

“Does dealing with spontaneous bullshit irritate your bowels and set your hair on end?” [Sound effects of screaming tormented souls and bad punk music].

“Do you hate hearing the constant sound of Bipolar Bears breaking wind?” [Alice again, with a look of TV-sales despair and a subpoena in each hand]

“Then you need the BIPOLAR BEAR BLASTER TWO THOUSAND!”

[The BIPOLAR BEAR BLASTER TWO THOUSAND appears magically in Alice’s hands].

“Yes! It slices! It dices! It does karaoke impressions of Albert Einstein!”

Alice: “Just one shot with the BIPOLAR BEAR BLASTER TWO THOUSAND and you’ll never have problems with Bipolar Bears . . . !”